The Applause Story

“If I met Courtenay, and if Courtenay were to walk into the room I’d think, look at that stuck up ass hole. Walking like he owns the world.”

I asked Courtenay for an interview and he continued to badger me about it. I was so busy it took over a month to finally sit down with him and here his story. “I need you to publish this week because I need something, anything exciting to happen in my life.”

I could relate to Courtenay. He is like a star, and goddammit, he needs to shine. Not the twinkling ones in the cluster, Courtenay wants to be the sun.

“I need to be something. People need to know me. People need to know how great I am.”

In the room is Courtenay, a friend by the name of Vee and myself. It goes quiet. We spent a good ten minutes laughing through the interview. But the air was concentrated now.

“The world should know me for my talents. I want to be on 5FM and on Top Billing. I want to travel the world. I want to have so many penthouses. Basically I want to live that type of life.”

Courtenay explains how he wants the ritzy life. A life full of wealth by talent. Star treatment, events, the pampering.

Before I even ask, he answers a question on my mind.

“I don’t know if that’s a bad thing though,” Courtenay adds quickly, “sometimes I feel like that is a dangerous life. It could ruin who I am…but I feel like I am actually that life.”

And then it comes. What I call The Tinkerbell Syndrome.

“I want to make my parents proud. I want to show all these basic people out there that thought I wouldn’t make it that I am actually going to make it and that I have made it. I want to leave my mark basically. When I die, it must be a legendary death.”

Without applause there is no life. The Tinkerbell Syndrome is not a disease. It’s a type of nitrogen. Without applause, you will cease to breathe.

“The way you conduct yourself is the way that life is going to end up for you. So if I conduct myself as being this icon, that’s how it’s going to be in the future.”

There is nothing wrong with Tink-Syndrome. The power one holds is immense and it could feed your soul for decades. Possibly fatal if not treated. You do not lose the Tinkerbell Syndrome. It becomes you.

Seeing as Courtenay falls under the Tink-Syndrome, I ask how he hopes his fame would help others.

“I want people to aspire to be like me. To use their talents and let the world know who they are. Sometimes, I feel like…”

Courtenay stutters and tries to form his feelings into words.

“This is stuff I think to myself. I feel like I’m a psychopath for the stuff that I think I do. When I need to get something I think I want. I’m very bad. Have you watched House of Cards?” he asks.

I flash to about an hour I spent trying to understand the show and exactly when the lead is supposed to do all the evil things people have famed him for. When will blood be on his hands as the promotional posters promised?

“Frank Underwood. He is a character who starts at the bottom of the food chain in the White House. With the help of various people he works his way up to become the president. His wife becomes the first lady and their wedding vows are based on making it into the presidency. So that’s why I feel like I’m a bad person. I need to kill people to get what I want. And I need to be with someone, who is as ambitious as I am.”

Shuffle Test:

The Matrimony – Wale ft. Usher

“This song, I think about it when I’m going to fall in love again, singing this song to the person that I love. Sometimes I think of myself singing it at Kleinsêr but it’s just too nice. It’s something sentimental, so it shouldn’t just be out there.”

Do you think the crowds can’t appreciate a sentimental song?

“No the crowds can appreciate a sentimental song but it’s just some of those songs you play with your headsets on and let your mind wonder.”

The Weeknd – Earned it

“I imagine myself in one of those dark rooms – sitting on a chair. And there’s the girl or like a glass of Cognac and like smoke and stuff. And I’m just watching her dance in lingerie. And then I just go girl you worth it.

Paranoid – Ty Dolla $ign

I have this song on my phone because sometimes it sketches out the situations that I have been in.

The song timely plays its chorus, these bitches tryna set me up. Situation Explained.

Alina Baraz ft. Galimatias – Unfold

This is one of those songs when you’re in your zone, when you’re in your feels.

Wale – Bad

Sometime I feel like this song speaks to my life. I’ll be good to you in bed, but I’ll be bad to you.


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